Hero of my own journey

I am at Day 6 of my self challenge to use the Hawaiian technique of Ho’oponopono. I had an insight during a meditation last week to do this, after a friend had told me what it had changed for her. My meditation suggested doing this as a 28 day challenge with a video diary…I post daily updates on my Instagram, Facebook & Your tube profiles of ‘Being a Human Lighthouse’.

So what, if anything has changed? I do feel it has assisted me to process and integrate some fear. This fear and at times a freeze response I am noticing in my body, from being in the midst of number of huge life upheavals all happening at once. Can I prove it was directly related to Ho’oponopono? Maybe not but I have noticed a quicker return to a more peaceful nervous system regulated state. I am also still using my meditation and other mindful experiencing of my sensations. As well as all my other self care and inner wisdom honouring methods. Is any or a combination of these techniques assisting me feel more inner peace amongst the turbulence in my life? Does it matter? If I am feeling less stress & anxiety and more inner peace even if the outer circumstances haven’t changed then I am happy with that. Maybe it is Ho’oponopono, maybe it is not, maybe it is everything I am being (and doing as a consequence.)

I know I am undergoing a huge metamorphosis. Shedding my old life to step into a new one. This reminds me of a few Joseph Campbell quotes.(I saw a quote from him yesterday that depicted my life as it is now, but cannot find it. But these other ones are great too.)

'We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.'

and

'The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.'

and

'It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.'

and

'If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.'

A few years back, I asked to universe to teach me what true health was and then that progressed to asking to be shown how to live from my heart & soul. I know I am receiving what I asked for.

I am a typical human that wishes to change but without too much discomfort. Even though I do sit daily with my discomforts, I am still aware of a pattern that is creating such intense sensations within me, that even I have had to retreat to find a new way to address this pattern. It can get overwhelming at times.

I often remind myself how it is when I am with my clients performing somatic therapy. I am guiding them inwards to be able to sit with the discomfort of the hidden emotions & beliefs. I recall l how often notice they shift and release in the presence of a safe witness holding them in a relational container of support and care. I know I am only able to guide and be a catalyst for change in others to the depths that I have gone into myself. I also know a person can only shift when they are ready and have the inner resources to make the required shift. To attempt to push a shift before this is not wise. I noted my body was sending signals it wasn’t ready or that it required another way to make it feel safe to let go.

This pattern takes the form of one of my inner children, it is about 2 years old. It is terrified. It is clinging on to the side of the metaphorical cliff….the metaphorical cliff I need to let go to allow my metamorphosis to continue. Yet I cannot force this inner child to let go.

I have been sitting with it and giving it compassion. I have learned it developed a coping strategy that has worked in my life - until now. It knew how to be aware of my surroundings and keep me safe by controlling everything. (I was brought up by two parents who loved me dearly and did the best they knew how to do, but my father was addicted to alcohol and my mother had long term mental health issues. Including post natal depression that never was diagnosed. My mother had to have a hospitalisation for her depression and anxiety when I was about 13 years old before she finally got treatment.) The pattern coped by learning to read the situation and keep everyone safe, especially me. Over the years, this pattern led me to take jobs I knew I wouldn’t like, or stay on a path I knew was not for me. It was ok with keeping me safe, yet unhappy. Living life as it ‘should’ be lived, ensuring I had money to pay my bills and a place to live and sabotaging any dream I had that didn’t have me safe with a known pay cheque arriving at a specified time. It needed to feel safe knowing that tomorrow was taken care of…it played safe. I really wanted to be a screenwriter.

Then, also having always had this other inner spiritual part of me, always desiring to understand life and its purpose, I made these requests to the universe and now this pattern’s ability to know what tomorrow will bring has been turned upside down. Like a terrified 2 year old it has let me know it is displeased and frightened. It has tried to get me return to my safe life but the universe is not allowing me to do this, this time. The universe has blocked the return path. The way I usually go back to when this pattern feels life circumstances are not predictable and safe.

So I am feeling that my Ho’oponopono practice is a new and different way to address this control pattern from a frightened inner child. I can tell this pattern is holding on and resisting. It needs to be made to feel safe. So maybe the Ho’oponopono is doing just that?

When I analyse what is underneath my control pattern, I discover this part of me that is frightened the universe will not have my back and will abandon me. I feel Ho’oponopono is allowing me to create safety for this pattern, so it can be integrated. I am aware as long as this pattern is running the show unconsciously it can sabotage my life. Only by bringing it out into the light of awareness, loving it and being compassionate with it, can it safely begin to trust all will be well and let go. Then I can discover the inner wisdom from my true self guiding me towards my bliss and a life of inner peace, joy & fulfilment. To discover the inner potentials I have, that only I can create. We are all on our own journey’s to create lives that only we can create with own unique gifts, guided by our inner wisdom to follow that inner path. When we are on our own inner path, then our outer expression will bring joy and peace to ourselves and others. This is the path I am seeking.

I will end this week’s post by sharing two more Joseph Campbell quotes below:

You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else's path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else's way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.

and

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

I am intending on following my bliss, but at times the fear sidetracks me. As I am now on a path where I cannot see the way ahead, maybe I am on my unique path? I choose to believe so…so a bit of fear or apprehension can be anticipated and allowed if I am on my never before tread path forging my way to expressing my true self.

I look forward to reporting on week two of my Ho’oponopono self challenge.