Enough already...

How much is enough?

JO HADLEY

APR 20, 2024

When I was being a screenwriter, I read on more than one occasion in books on writing, that there are only about seven stories in the world. At the timeI thought that was stupid. I was of the belief there were an infinite amount of stories. Now I am open to the possibility there might be some truth to the assertion of these writing books. Don’t ask me to list the seven types of stories, as I never took it seriously, so never bothered to read any more about it. But in my true health quest, which largely involves going inward to see what is at the core of my issues….there are faulty beliefs and funnily ‘enough’, there are only a handful of core faulty beliefs that most of we humans have that drives our behaviours, health and outer expressions of our lives. So maybe the writing books were on the money after all? AND there are infinite stories, as well as infinite expressions in our outer lives of these core beliefs…both can be true.

Some of the most common core faulty beliefs are these:

1. I am not enough

2. I am unlovable

3. there is something wrong with me

4. it’s all my fault

Maybe these are mine, as I cannot think of any others, as I write this…What also comes to mind are the, ‘I am a failure/worthless beliefs’, but I think these can be covered by the others listed above.I am open to the fact there may be more in the list…if not, maybe having seven stories was an exaggeration, maybe there are only four:)?

I am curious about being ‘enough’….how do we know when we are enough? Is there a number of $$$ to earn? Maybe it is living in the right house? Or having the right relationship or job? Or getting my step count right each day? Not sure…if anyone knows the proper way to measure being enough, please let me know? :

Not being enough is a belief I have felt within myself. When ever I compare my life to someone else’s, especially someone living their life according to the rules of society (Who wrote the rules of society anyway? Why did society just go along with this?Are there really rules to society? ), i.e. has long term relationship, highly respected job, nice big house, financially secure…I sometimes feel not enough. But many people I know have these things and are not happy, nor are they usually very healthy. In fact in my job as a physiotherapist, I have worked with people who are in very high level jobs and are very financially secure, but many of these are super stressed with multiple chronic health issues and often physical pain. When I listen to their lives I often think to myself- ‘glad I never went down that path….they can keep the big house and that life of living in an ocean of stress chemicals.’

I have always tried to follow my heart, but within the confines of those arbitary rules of society (Or maybe it was just the subconscious rules of my parents, who learned them from their parents and so on?). I have often felt not good enough because I did not reach some ideal goal in my mind, or someone else’s mind. I did spend a lot of my early adult years…well until I was over 40….devoting most of my time to writing and my stories. I stayed working asa physiotherapist to fund this- I never wanted to be a starving artist:). But now I am more aware, never fully committing to my writing path may have been a big reason why I felt I was channelling great stories but never knew what to do with them afterwards. So then I would write another one…pattern repeated. I loved writing my screenplays so much. I wrote them as a labour of love- but wondered why nothing ever eventuated from it, as it was my hearts’ passion. I knew even back then about how our parent’s influence our lives and how patterns are created and I did a lot of healing work, but still I stayed stuck with my writing and my life. I always felt not enough.

Only recently have I discovered tools to uncover faulty beliefs and shift them. Previously, I thought I had ‘solved’ the issues but unfortunately my ego self- aka, all the unresolved emotions, traumas, programming, patterns that I created to keep my safe when young- was able to trick me into staying in its familiar groove of ‘not enough’. My patterns allowed me to make some progress but never ‘enough’ to fully resolve the core issue.

I was healing more outer energies instead of the core central ones. (Maybe all the healing work I did back then has helped me become the more aware person I am today? I do believe it all was important and it did eventually lead me to the core issues. But I do have a habit of being impatient and I would have preferred to address the ego much earlier….but as I know now, we have to heal one step at a time- we can implode or collapse if it occurs too fast. So maybe I have always been right on time and on track:)?) I improved my life a lot but only within the constraints of my unconscious ego patterns. On some level I was aware of the core central beliefs but I managed to skate over the top of them with the illusion I had addressed them. Back then, I was not aware how my ego of patterns could trick me. It still tries to trick me and I will admit there are still occasions I give in to it- but now if I do give in it is much more consciously. Many times I can actually allow the ego pattern to dissolve and transmute.I am usually able to sit with the discomfort of a pattern trying to scare me into staying the same.

Why does the ego/pattern have such seductive powers of persuasion even with my increasing level of awareness? Because when ever I/we start to dissolve the ego/pattern and attempt to go down a new path, it will increase its noise. Usually fear anxiety and tension increase in the body- a lot. Then because ego fears it is dying, it tries to keep itself alive by upping the ante, so fear increases, resistance increases, anxiety intensifies, as if in a hurricane. Then the mind starts delivering worst case scenarios of how you will ‘die’ if I/you change…these ego patterns are even so powerful as to create situations in our outer lives to keep us believing we are indeed better off staying in our limitation and familiar ego pattern. For example, I have been attempting to create a new area of work for myself combining fascia and emotional release work for a number of years. My first two attempts failed miserably. (What is failure but just one more step closer to what you are looking for?) The third was interesting as I knew I was in a clinic where I knew it was still only a stepping stone to something even grander than the fascia- emotion work and I was doing work I loved much more than before. I was attracting clients who were really energy aware so my skills grew exponentially. There was a time when I was almost fully booked and I was attracting clients who were shifting some amazing energies- more than I thought possible previously- I even felt I had moved to another level- then I had few weeks of great…then suddenly there were weeks where the numbers were lower and soon I was feeling not good enough again. I felt a failure, so I left this clinic out of fear there was something wrong with me and because at the same time my other salaried ‘safe’ job was gone with only two weeks notice, as that clinic closed due to ill health of the owner. So I was in a financial panic. Panic is not a great place to make decisions. I teach this every day to my clients…but as I am human, I fell prey to the same trap. I did descend into the pit of self despair and the fear of not being enough.

This was a few years ago and a lot of introspection, reflection and transmuting of ego patterns later.

I know I no longer want to do hands on work, so I will soon be saying goodbye to old safe road I knew, physiotherapy. I am saddened to be letting go of my fascia work as it has been amazing at assisting people to let go of injuries and emotional issues, often very quickly. Some feel the changes are so amazing they call them miraculous…so this type of work and reaction I will be sad to let go of, but I know it is time to step into something else..something greater.

I am creating something new using my increased level of conscious awareness- (consciousness is an energy), using my medical knowledge, my energy & spiritual knowledge & my trauma-patterns-unresolved emotions knowledge to develop work where I can educate and teach others how to use the latest science and awareness knowledge so they can better access their own self healing abilities & increase their intuition so they can know which path is right for them. I teach how to access and listen to your inner wisdom- you are the boss of you. I am just a catalyst.

Every day I am learning just how silly these faulty beliefs are. But they are powerful as they are ingrained, not only into our individual psyches, but also into our collective psyches. It is difficult to overturn such ingrained patterns but as humans are near and bioplastic we ,have the ability to change…it may just take time to lay down down new patterns that can make the old patterns redundant.These faulty patterns hide in our subconscious, yet they are often influencing our lives every day. We just don’t see it if we are unconscious to it. Healing is making the unconscious- conscious. Once seen it is difficult to keep a faulty belief for long…after the ego struggle, it goes.

I have come to the knowing(though at times my ego still has me doubting) that we are all souls connected to one main source- (use whatever name you wish- universe, spirit, source, God, all-that-is, higher power). Our access to our soul and thus to source is blocked by our faulty beliefs and patterns and as we surrender these beliefs and patterns, they dissolve, so our true self/ soul can shine.

Most techniques I have learned- homeostasis with fascia work, true essence or Self in trauma work, teach we have a part of us that knows how to heal, how to keep us safe. As we access our true essence or soul to a greater degree…then it becomes obvious that if we are all are from the one source then we cannot be destroyed (there is a law in physics, the Law of the Conservation of Energy that states that energy cannot be created or destroyed only changed in form). If I am a soul connected to all-that-is, I must be enough. The truth is we are all enough- it never depends on what we achieve or how much we have. We are all enough. Knowing this for me has been comforting and a good reminder each time my ego appears with fear and anxiety. I am starting a new way of working and it does not matter if I am successful- define successful?-it is ok if I fail- define failure?- it is about listening to my heart, following it and allowing myself to have the experiences that show up- some will be pleasurable and some will be the opposite- it all has to be ok, because it is showing me the next best step for me to take. My only goal is to live from my heart/soul and know the joy that brings. When I stray from that path or I need to go to the next highest level, I know life will give me signs/nudges etc to keep me on the right path or bring me back to it.

“Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose.”
― A.H. Almaas

I am enough!